Pain: defined
by everfire
Summary: Massive song fic. each chapter is a new song. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people. Sometimes good people do terrible things. Sometimes love isn't enough to make a happy ending. Sometimes love is pain. HieiXkurama I swear. YusukeXKeiko slight K
1. Prolouge: Random moments

Pain Defined

Authors Note: This story is really demented and you really should be told so I'm telling you It's strange and I'm VERY proud of it though I must say there is always the possibility that I made tons of mistakes. The main problem is name confusion there is so many ways to spell each name, I ended up picking whatever spelling I like. The next thing I should bring up is that I have lots of suicide and of course the ever popular shonen-ai. NO FLAMES! thank you. As for this chapter it would not make too much sense if I didn't tell you that what you supposed to look for. This chapter is clues to what I will be doing later, look for the name after the lyric and you'll get the clue, they may or may not make sense yet.

ALSO: to those of you who read this earlier now I have had a chance to fix my spelling and grammar mistakes so I hope it is easier to read and understand. thank you.

Contents:

Prelude: Random Moments

Forgetting

Picture Framed

Prelude: Random Moments To the song: Are We The Waiting? By: Green Day

Starry nights,

Keiko breathed in the sweet smell of night. She felt surrounded by life. She felt the soft brush of the world's pulse beneath her, and the grass seemed to cradle her relaxed frame in a soft embrace. There was a distant voice murmuring something to her but she could not pay attention. Everything was so calm. She breathed deeper letting sleep overtake her, giving in to the calm. A soft fey touched her skin and she slowly began to stir. Something was on her face…the touch. She opened her eyes. At first she was unaware of where she was, and then she took in her surroundings and discovered that she was in the park. She lifted her hand to her cheek and pulled away something soft. She looked down at it puzzled, a white flower pedal. Suddenly there was a rustle and pedals and flowers were everywhere floating around her. She rolled off her side and so she could lie (lay?) flat and peer above her. She focused at the flowing tree's branches and saw Botan grinning down at her from the tree.

City lights, coming down over me

Hiei would have seemed distracted, if Hiei could seem distracted. He walked down the street slightly stunned by the large crowds that were out at this hour, but walked directly down the center of the sidewalk anyway. If they didn't move it wouldn't matter anyway, he would keep going.

Skyscrapers and stargazers in my head,

Kuawbara walked down the street like the fool he was. His mind was obviously elsewhere (or maybe it never was there). He made his way to the arcade like a madman (and was avoided as such).

"Ah," he thought out loud "what a lovely night."

Are we, we are, are we, we are the waiting unknown

Koenma paced in his current state of insomnia but it did nothing for his malaise. He knew that the world would have great need for a hero soon…it would need such a magnificent sacrifice. All he had to do was play his part but he was held back.

He looked out the window and whispered to the stars. "This peace is always so swift I almost trust it less then when I know I have an enemy. Calming peace is a faceless enemy to us all."

This dirty town was burning down in my dreams

Sweat poured off of Yusuke's forehead. He struggled to breathe. Keiko's name burned on his lips. Burning…just like she had been…screaming…calling for him…he couldn't reach her, he was beyond her, she was beyond him. He stood and began to dress. This night was not made for dreams…it was made of them.

Lost and found

Hiei watched as the crowd suddenly shifted to let through a harried girl. She was muttering about her tardiness when she turned. Her crimson eyes focused on the spot where Hiei had just stood.

Yukina's voice came out choked, "Hiei?" she said softly to the wind.

City bound in my dreams,

Botan had drifted off into slumber almost the very second Yukina had arrived. She opened her eyes when she felt a friendly tug on her hair…Keiko smiled down brightly at her.

"You can't sleep all night, Botan," Botan opened her mouth to retort when Keiko continued "Besides, we're gonna go get ice cream and …" Botan stood up.

Keiko giggled hooked arms with both her friends and asked suddenly, "Botan, do you remember your dreams?"

"Oh… never mind" she said waving her hand dismissive.

And screaming…the waiting

Kuawbara now wandered the streets moping over his empty pockets. Over all his (excruciatingly) loud thoughts he heard a familiar, shy voice. "Yukina!" he cried rushing to her side "oh, hi Botan, hi Keiko." They both were riveted at being remembered. (Sarcasm implied).

And screaming…. the waiting

Kurama entered his room and closed his door. He felt that sleep was somehow improbable, if not impossible. Unsure of what to do instead he turned and opened his window. The air was warm and had the distinct scent of the Makkai. The smell was fait and somehow reassuring. He began to undress.

Forget-me-nots

Hiei was so shocked he almost fell out of his tree…almost. The kitsune had ignored him. Did he know he was there? He had smelled the air, but then he just looked calm. He was sure the kitsune would know he was here. He must have let his guard down. Bad move. Hiei touched his sword's hilt. That second the kitsune returned and stared at Hiei, unblinking. Kurama just stood there, totally defenseless and shirtless, without even a hint of fear. Hiei smirked. Kurama knew he was here, he just wasn't threatened.

"Stupid fox," Hiei muttered. He drew his sword and lunged at Kurama. Kurama didn't even flinch. Hiei stopped about an inch away from Kurama's gut. "Damn fox."

And second thoughts,

Keiko's brown eyes slowly began to close. Now that Kuawbara was here, he was the only one talking and all he seemed able to do was brag to Yukina. They were reentering the park they had been in earlier, and Keiko was looking for a bench. Botan was the first to find one and wordlessly they all sat down except Kuawbara who stood in front talking and gesturing loudly. Keiko, who sat in the middle, watched him like a silent movie never hearing a word until she slowly sunk into Botan's lap. The other two were asleep soon after. Kuawbara kept talking.

Live in isolation,

Hiei jumped into a tree. He looked about him, he was in total seclusion. He had nothing to fear and he let his thoughts wander. With a sudden need, he reached into a hole that was conveniently carved out of the tree. He pulled out a worn wooden flute and felt its scars. A pattern had been etched into its frame. It shaped the way it was. It became this way in order to be the instrument it was, the tool. Each etch a memory, one that cast and shaped it to be useful, to be used. He stared at it. It's hallow, empty center, the holes, and the scars. A dragon slipped and coiled around this flute…molded into its very frame. He lifted it to his lips and played. He wove a song of pain and betrayal. He wove a song of death, the Makkai, and a mother's hand. He wove a song of two pasts, his and the dragon flute's.

Heads or tails,

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon and Yusuke's and Kuwabara's voice was echoing over the park trees. Attempting to avoid getting involved or getting trampled Kurama and Hiei stood just outside of the fight.

"At least we are well behaved and start meaningless fights." Kurama said with his eyes shining.

"Hn," Hiei replied without expression.

And fairytales in my mind,

Botan relaxed and stretched as she lay down. She began to let herself be taken by the seductive lure of her dreams. 'All I need to do is dream…as long as I can dream…'

And screaming are we, we are. Are we, we are the waiting….

Keiko stared at Yusuke. She couldn't help but look at him; he was so alive right now. She didn't know if she felt anything at all towards him. She was so afraid. He looked up at her as though summoned by her thoughts. She began to memorize his face, like she expected him to disappear. He gave her a confused look. Sweat beaded off of his face, his hair looked wet, and his eyes…something about his eyes, his deeply troubled eyes, made her remember, they made it impossible to forget all the times he should have died and the time he did. She felt heat rise in her face as his look changed into concern…

The rage and love the story of my life,

Hiei closed his eyes in irritation and began a low growl. Kuawbara kept up Yusuke's side of the conversation for him as Yusuke paused to look at Keiko.

Hiei's growl intensified. "Shut up you idiots," when Kuawbara gave no response he continued "Hey stupid did you hear me?"

Kuawbara turned sharply. "What did you call me?"

"Are you deaf too, or just stupider than I thought?"

"Now see hear (bad pun) shortie." Everyone sweat drops but Hiei and Kuawbara.

"It seems that Hiei was feeling left out," Said Kurama with a shy glint in those emeralds of his.

"Hn," Hiei replied as he walked back to his place next to Kurama. Yusuke laughs.

The Jesus of suburbia is a lie,

In a rush of girly brilliance Botan decided that this was somehow worthy of a picture. Keiko had a Polaroid on her (don't ask why) and the next step was setting it up so they all could be in it. Hiei looked as though this was the last thing he planned to do, but with a shy look from Yukina and Kurama he simply deflated and stood there as a perfect example of a pacifist.

"Smile" said Keiko enthusiastically. She clicked the camera's timer and rushed to get in it. They all smiled except Hiei. They all gathered around to see how it turned out. The picture was all in shadow.

Are we, we are the waiting, are we, we are the waiting unknown. Are we, we are the waiting …..


	2. Forgetting

Chapter 1- forgetting

Warning this chapter includes shonen-ai and karasu...He's not brought back to life no worries though. This chapter may be skipped to it really has nothing to do with later stuff but it does explain my way of looking at some things.

The song is figure .09 by Linkin Park.

_Intro_

Emerald eyes stare in the darkness with calm reserve. Truths that can never be seen or understood hide in the depths of those eyes. The victim and torturer both. Never shameless mercy, always merciless shame. They close and now all that's left is to dream.

_...Nothing ever stops these thoughts and all the pain attached to them..._

The darkness is complete, filled only with a purple smoke that seems to be lighted but cannot penetrate the darkness around it. Shuichi stands alone, with Yoko near. They are together but apart. Yoko is not separate he is only the past, looming over the other. Together they are Kurama. Now he is truly alone.

He can feel a presence, familiar to him. He turns to see eyes in the purple smoke, eyes of Amethyst. The smoke is disgusting suddenly, the ground familiar as well. 'I'm back' He cries out in such deep despair that the sound shakes in sympathy.

_...Sometimes I wonder why this is happening... _

" No." Kurama whispers softly.

" My sweet Kurama, my darling Fox." Karasu purred nearby."Your so lovely and determined."

"Your dead."

"I can't die because you can't forget me."

"I..."

"Make me immortal."

"I..."

"Remember" The command was so soft and soothing, he closed his eyes. He could feel Karasu. He could feel his hands on his face. He felt bile rise in his throat and yet he could not and did not even try to pull away.

"Remember."

"Please..." Kurama whined not sure what he was asking for.

" Will you lower yourself so far?" Karasu said letting each word fall like separate drops of rain into Kurama.

"I can't" Kurama muttered to his shade.

"Remember." The shade whispered Again.

A single tear falls from the green eyes "No!" He cried as the tear shimmers away as he tossed his head back. He began to remember.

_...It's like nothing I can do would distract me when_

_I think of how I shot myself in the back again_

_'Cause from the infinite words I could say I_

_Put all pain you gave to me on display_

_But didn't realize instead of setting it free I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

_(Never goes away)_

_(Never goes away)..._

Kurama stood at the tournament again. He was surrounded by bombs. They were there even though he couldn't see them.

The mad bomber stood before Kurama relishing in his pain. Without even a blink hi body erupted in green blasts Pain explodes with the bombs in his body. He cries out.

_...(And now)_

_(You've become a part of me)_

_(You'll always be right here)_

_(You've become a part of me)_

_(You'll always be my fear)_

_(I can't separate)_

_(Myself from what I've done)_

_(Giving up a part of me)_

_(I've let myself become you)..._

His unnerving hands his unnerving eyes...always seeming to pry below Kurama. No matter what opposition it always seemed useless. His twisted delight in plight and pain.

'He was a beautiful flower, a lovely bloom. My past was all that saved me from a death I deserved. I lost even as he died. I even enjoyed his pain as he enjoyed mine.'

"It never goes away." Kurama whispers in his sleep.

..._Hearing your name the memories come back again..._

Kurama was back in the smoke so alone with Karasu.

"So kitsune, lets look at everyone in your past. you betrayed everyone...even Hiei..."

"He needed that...I saved him and..."

"He didn't ask to be saved." Karasu interrupted.

"Well if I always did what Hiei asked for only and not what he wanted we would both be dead" Kurama replied dryly.

"What about your mother?" Karasu shamelessly inquired.

"What about her?"

"You lie to her you couldn't tell her the truth even if you wanted to."

"I do..."

"What about me, Kitsune?" His face only held the question. "Did I deserve to die?"

_...I remember when it started happening..._

...He sat in the locker room with Hiei, attempting to calm himself. Hiei still slumbered. Kurama's eyes never strayed from the book. The words were there but they made no sense they wouldn't connect. He could still feel Karasu closer than skin...

_...see you in every thought I had and then..._

Karasu...Kurama's mouth opens and his eyes shut, somewhere between pleasure and pain.

Karasu's hand on him, his eyes peeling away his skin looking beneath.

Karasu dead, Beautiful plant food.

Regret for such a meaningless death, for losing.

_...The thoughts slowly found words attached to them..._

Regret. Hate. sadness. Shame. Grief. Love. Touch. Dreams...such awful dreams.

_...And I knew as they escaped away_

_I was committing myself to them..._

" I can't believe I let you," Kurama said defiance in him.

"no one else would have. Hiei has no regrets." Karasu stated with amusement.

"I can't believe that." Kurama retorted.

"But you do." Karasu whispered slyly.

_...and everyday_

_I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me..._

"Doesn't it matter that I hated it?" Kurama said in desperation

" No." Karasu said simply. "My death is in your past. Now I and my death are part of you. Forever."

_...(Never goes away)_

_(Never goes away)..._

"I..." Kurama started. Karasu took a step forward. "No. Don't. Stay away."

Karasu's eyes stare hungrily at Kurama. "You don't want me to."

_...(And now)..._

"Yes I do. I'm not that way."

"Don't deny it. Don't hide. Let your mind be free." He reached out to Kurama, Kurama didn't pull away. "I'm only in your mind. Don't lie to yourself."

_...(You've become a part of me)..._

Karasu's hands touched Kurama's arm. He managed to get his arms around Kurama. Kurama squirmed futilely in his grasp. Karasu's roaming hands ripped away his shirt. Fire dances in Kurama's chest as Karasu's hands brush across his chest lightly teasing. Kurama's eyes close. Karasu's hands slide over his face, memorizing it, Learning it like a language. A whimper escapes Kurama's mouth. Karasu moves his head next to Kurama's face and cups his chin. Kurama willingly lets himself be lead into the soft awaiting lips.

_... (You'll always be right here)..._

Karasu roughly clasps the fox's wrists at his side. Kurama pleads with rushed kisses across his face. His hands are chained before he feels it. Cold iron biting into his skin and holding him inches from the ground. karasu's hands were back on his chest. Those damn hands lithely rubbing into his skin. They barely touched him they only skimmed over him shivers erupting inside of Kurama.

"Damn you, Karasu." Karasu's fingers deftly began to tease their way down his chest, to touch his stomach. His hands gently brushed the top of his pants. The word 'please' formed on Kurama's lips barely escaping Kurama's will. The crow looked at his pray letting his eyes soften and narrow.

"Are you broken? Did I your past finally break you? The way I have been trying to." Karasu questioned voice just above a seductive purr.

"I'm not broken...Damn it I..." Kurama's voice trailed off.

"Want this?" Karasu offered helpfully.

_...(You've become a part of me)..._

"No." Kurama said evenly His emerald eyes glowing with renewed power and anger. "This is my dream, my world, And we are not separate, You're a piece of my past, a memory I can't forget." The chains that were never there disappear.

_...(You'll always be my fear)..._

Karasu's expression changed to amused. His eyes soften in almost pity. "You can't forget...Remember." He commanded yet again. Pain shot through Kurama. "So beautiful. Hurt and ache it only makes you more lovely. Another blast went through the fox.

"Damn why can't you die? Why can't you rot in peace as fertilizer?" Kurama said calmly, gently. "Your not even real."

Without even pausing a beat Karasu quoted " 'Everyone believes very easily whatever he fears or desires.' -Jean De La Fontaine."

"So... somewhere deep inside I must fear you? Is that what your saying?" Kurama retorted evenly.

"Believe what you want, Kitsune." Karasu replied evenly.

"I'm so glad I have your approval."

_...(I can't separate)(Myself from what I've done)..._

Kurama's eyes began to shimmer, ten emerald turned too gold then red to white and before Karasu stood the legendary fox, Yoko Kurama. "I am one being. My past, my present."

His present and future stood behind him hidden from the view of the past.

_... (Giving up a part of me)_

_(I've let myself become you)..._

All around the three figures appeared. Some a complete shadow, either not yet killed or they had remained faceless even in death.

_...(Get away from me)..._

This must be some dream the fox was having. Hiei looked down at his friend. He seemed calm now, Hiei turned to leave and was assaulted by a scream from the kitsune's mouth. His whole being thrown into a single battle cry.

_...Give me my space back you gotta just_

_(Go)..._

Now a scream of pain spilt Hiei and the night.

_...Everything comes down the memories of_

_(You)_

_I've kept it in but now I'm letting you_

_(Know)_

_I let you go..._

With his back arced like that Hiei could almost imagine the fox dancing beautifully in battle, alone moving agilely away from their blows.

_...so get away from_

_(Me)_

_Give me my space back you gotta just_

_(Go)_

_Everything comes down the memories of_

_(You)_

_I've kept it but now I'm letting you_

_(Know)_

_I let you go..._

Their fight rages. Standing at the ready both unable to land a blow so far. The smoke still swirling from their last blows. Both still ready to fight.

_...I've let myself become you..._

" I killed mercilessly. Sometimes for no reason at all. I've blood that can't be washed away, I am proud of every drop. Every drop of your blood. A beautiful red banner of who I was."

_...I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you..._

"...I thought being human would change this, I've learned love and shame. To learn is not a bad thing...I also have not forgotten."

_...Giving up a part of me..._

"I felt bloody. Your end that made me feel impure because of my loss. Something I've kept inside and hidden...But I am proud...I'm proud I took you. Your meaningless empty death matching your existence...everyone becomes fertilizer in the end."

_...I've let myself become you..._

"...I wont forget...how could I forget such a beautiful bloom a beautiful death." He leaned into kiss Karasu. Karasu becomes nothing more than he ever was, particles of light dancing inside a beautiful mind.

Authors note: I'm a little unhappy with the ending I was Tring to balance his evilness which I like more in this case and his overall insanity of talking to himself...in a dream... without realizing he's talking to himself...I'm confused. Not to mention how he can be evil and acidic with soft sounding words so You are supposed to be unsure at the end if he is being kind or cruel.

One last Time I will explain or try to How to read my songfics because while I believe there are others who write this way There just aren't as many as who write it a 'different' way...anyway ummm... Take each new lyric literally ignoring the rest of the song and apply it to what's happening now. Apply the song(as a whole) to the whole story at the end. I use some songs I hate because they fit what I need.

This chapter is a fun one even if it is a bit unimportant. As A whole I like it.

Please review. There is a good chance of 19 chapters I think I have 12 written but not typed or edited. each about this long if not longer.


	3. Picture Framed

Picture framed

Accessing authors note:Password accepted

: Well this chapter is really weird. The major concern I have is you must note that in this chapter there are two stories happening on the same day but they take place at different times and sometimes because the are happening at the same time you will have to go back in time to redo the same hour in both stories. If that doesn't make sense even after reading the chapter please email me and I will try again.

WARNINGS: Sever angst/ bipolar changes to extremely funny scenes after said angst. Most importantly verbal abuse from a parental figure and some foul language and adult material.

Song: lying my way from you by: Linkin Park

_When I pretend…_

Eyes of the darkest forest and the purest emerald stare out of his room. Kurama turned and began to ready himself for his life. His breath deepened as he calmed himself.

_Everything is what I want it to be…_

'What do _I _want?' Keiko thought as she tapped her finger on the kitchen table. The idea that she had been asked a question like that seemed mocking.

"_Dear, What do you want I can't read minds?" _

Any one could read _hers_ though. The reason her mom had asked had been automatic, she already knew the answer because she hadn't really been asking.

_I look exactly like you had always wanted to see…_

A reflection of a red haired human who could never do wrong or fail. A picture seared in his mind. A reflection of average girl brown hair, brown eyes who could never be more than that. A picture of her attempts to be more, to show them.

_When I pretend, I can forget about the criminal I am,_

Kurama looked downstairs and his mother looked up from her breakfast to greet him.

She gasped, "Oh, Shuichi what happened to you arm?"

He looked at the slice that went from his elbow until it disappeared under his shirt. His face showed slight surprise.

"I must have hurt myself in my sleep…I don't remember getting hurt."

_Stealing second after second just 'cause I know I can…_

Kurama walked into the bookstore after a boy remarkably like Yusuke. He would be perfect, just in case. Kurama and the boy walked past a bookshelf, five books disappeared. The shopkeeper nearby noticed and pounced on the boy. Kurama left the shop with a faux smile and five new books.

'If only I could steal time.'

_But I can't pretend this is the way it will stay…_

Keiko looked at the flower she was holding. her mother had insisted she bring it and that she apologize...Keiko knew she didn't care. If another had truly cared she would have asked why she had hit him. She would complaining about this to higher-ups or even telling her daughter it was alright. _Her_ mom wanted her to apologize. A flower petal feel softly, a symbol of change and still when she looked at it she couldn't help but think 'how long can this last...'

_I'm just Tring to bend the truth..._

Poised in the doorway to her classroom she waited desperately for him to enter. She watched as the entire class slowly filed in, what a day for him to be late. He entered just as the bell screamed...his steps resounding over the now silent classroom.

_I can't pretend I who you want me to be..._

Kurama put the filched books into his extra locker. No one used it so he would...waste of space, right? He entered his classroom. The teacher a new and young teacher smiled at his late arrival. He sat down and smiled back at her...she blushed and continued her lesson.

The classmate that was sitting behind Kurama leaned forward and whispered into Kurama's ear "So...is that how you get good grades, pretty-boy...but how can you stand her she's such a boar(pun)?"

Kurama turned around and faced the slightly familiar boy and smiled venom sparkling in his emerald eyes. "It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." He quoted gently.

_So I'm lying my way from you..._

Lunch, Kurama hated lunch. He ran to his locker and pulled out his sandwich and walked to the library to be alone. As soon as he entered a librarian informed his loudly and smiling sweetly that he could not eat in here.

"No need to worry, I'm already done." He tossed his uneaten food into the trash, he felt a pang of sadness at his mother's hard work going to waste. The librarian smiled and was on her way. Leaving him alone, alone with the buzzing electric lights.

_no, no turning back now..._

Keiko had a wild moment, the kind you have where time slows so you can examine your choices and decide what to do even if you never thought of any of the options besides the one you were told to do. She had 2...no 3 options...#1 run now, not really a good choice because she had already taken a step into the room. #2 swallow her pride and do what her mom wanted her to do, say that she was sorry and get back to her life. She took a deep breath and looked up. She managed a strained apologetic smile. her hands tightened around the flower.

_I wanna be pushed aside..._

The bell rang Kurama didn't move. He didn't want to go to math. He loved math and yet...he just couldn't stand that anymore. He just sat there looking at nothing. He was Tring to be invisible...really really hard. His thoughts swirled around the same thing. What he wanted most in the world right now...or ever. He knew he couldn't be expected to be cared for who he was...no one knew who he was. Not even him.

_So let me go..._

Keiko was walking toward his desk. Eyes from the whole class looked at her. They didn't understand. They didn't even know. Step. Step. 'I'll just walk up to his desk' Keiko thought. 'That's all I'll just give him the flower and apologize, clearly and loudly. I don't even have to look at him. I get it over with, it can't be that bad.'

She was looking at the floor, a walk of shame, to his desk. Step. Step. Then she looked up. She saw his face. The sheer joy plastered all over it.

'I'll just not look at him' she vowed to herself. 'I can do this. I'll swallow my pride. I'll swallow...'

No turning back now...

He hadn't moved He didn't want any evidence of his existence, that he was ever here, that he had ever breathed. He looked at the desk. 'Nothing ever stays the same...time has passed and I've changed but I can't forget and I can't adapt, all I can do is sit here. Stay stuck between two worlds in a limbo unless I'm...

Let me take back my life...

Keiko looked at her teacher, and he looked at her in a faux puzzled sort of way. She could still see his underlying amusement.

'Very well' she thought, 'option three.'

She reached his desk and smiled sweet as honey at him. "Professor," She began her expression changing to one of shame, "I came here to apologize for hitting you the other day, as my mother commanded." She paused.

"Well I don't..."He began, but was interrupted.

"I'm not near being finished, Professor, I am deeply, deeply," She layered the last word thickly with lust, batting her eyelashes coquettishly, "deeply sorry for my actions. I defended myself against an older male whom I'm expected to put my trust in and little did I know I should have been flattered by you request." The room was silent. Keiko paused and stared at the shocked man. "Next time I will be grateful to what was it...'swallow all that you are.'. Oh here's your flower, sir." She took a step forward and he flinched and closed his eyes. When he slowly opened his eyes they were met with narrowed brown eyes.

SMACK.

She smashed her hand over his rose and across his face and pulled down. He fell to the ground unconscious. Red streaks ran down his cheek to match the red rose petals strewn across the ground.

She turned on her heel and strode out of the room. She hesitated just as she reached the doorway and turned to speak to the silent room. "I seem to have disrupted your class."

I'd rather be all alone...

Kurama left the library, school was over, for some reason no one seemed to care that he hadn't been to class. He just smiled and waved like usual. He behaved as he normally would and even his teachers didn't seem to mind.

He got his books and walked to the gate. A shadowed figure was standing there. Kurama noted the stance and found himself gasping.

'Hiei.' He breathed. Hiei stepped out of the darkness and looked up.

No, no turning back now...

Keiko ran out of the building and kept her pace. Her breath stung in her throat, even though the cold morning air was warming with the day. She walked down the busy streets, avoiding her parents café and walked to the bridge. She wanted to go back, but she just kept walking. She had been the good girl all her life, she hadn't even complained and now she was about to break. She needed to be selfish. She watched the light dance over the water. She began to worry...how much trouble was she going to be in now? Then she thought of Yusuke.

Anywhere on my own...

Hiei looked up at the startled and disappointed kitsune. "Look Kurama," He started, then stopped. He had been so resolved this was a fool's errand.

Yukina had told him that 'Kurama doesn't feel well...go see him.' He hadn't left until she'd told him that she thought Kurama might be suicidal. She had said she couldn't do anything about it because she wasn't close enough or strong enough should they need to use brute strength. He was 'perfect'. He couldn't understand how she had gotten such a silly notion. How could the kitsune want to die. How weak did she think Kurama was?

He looked at him now and saw him, wounded and tired. "Don't kill yourself." He stated. Kurama fell to the ground.

Cause I can see...

'Yusuke' She thought. She could imagine him beside her. She couldn't think of a word he could say but was felling better with just the thought of him beside her. He just had to stand there...being Yusuke, smelling like Yusuke...felling like Yusuke. That was all she needed.

She felt the day wane. The sun turned coppery and golden. Even though he wasn't there she felt surrounded by Yusuke. The sun that kissed the front of her face and dyed her hair gold was his fingers and lips brushing against her. She closed her eyes. He was here...he was...

"Keiko?" Yusuke's voice the only thing she couldn't imagine called. She turned. He was really there, Tears she hadn't known she'd been crying slid down her face.

"Yusuke." She shuddered as she fell to the ground.

"Keiko!" He cried alarmed. He rushed to her side and watched as she cried. He reached out tentatively to touch her. She moved away from his touch.

"Yusuke, just stay here okay" She hugged her knees and continued to cry.

No, no turning back now...

Hiei stared and so did everyone else nearby. Kurama seemingly not noticing this increase in attention simply watched an ant as it crawled past him. Finally Hiei decided to distract his friend from his newest ant watching hobby.

"Kurama, don't worry, your mother is fine but you better hurry with me to the hospital." It appeared to be work. Less humans were watching them now. Hiei began to walk away. Kurama stood and caught up noticing Hiei's determinedly slow pace. Hiei seemed to have a destination in mind.

"Where are we going?" Kurama spoke after a moment of contemplation.

"The park." Hiei stated. Just before Kurama could ask what park Hiei meant the city abruptly ended and wild began. The dead end street would normally spell a wrong turn but in the case of Hiei it WAS the destination.

The trees loomed over the orderly houses in a rather ominous manner. Like a weed peaking through the concrete. Like Kurama among his classmates, a flower among leaves. Kurama rarely felt this at home, this comfortable. He Began to walk faster through the woods. Hiei watched him, letting his eyes soften.

The very worst part of you...

Picture frames that don't quite fit,

Perfect pain and a bloody rip,

You see the past as it moves past you,

Too fast so you move faster,

Footprints in the perfect snow,

People that you'll never know,

They die and you don't feel sorrow,

The criminal that hides inside the saint,

Higher standards,

Perfect rank,

Close you eyes and say you fit,

Pretend to be a hypocrite.

I remember what they taught to me...

Keiko stood in front of her house. Yusuke was next to her, watching her nervously. After she had cried she had refused to tell him what was wrong, but whatever it was it was bad. Keiko never skipped school.

"Yusuke," She started, "Thanks." She seemed as if she wanted to say more.

"Look, Keiko if you don't wanna go home..."Yusuke offered.

"I have to." She interrupted.

"Keiko" He tried again.

"Stop Yusuke. It's fine." She had to face the facts, why couldn't he understand that running away wouldn't do anything. "I just don't want to talk right now. I'll see you tomorrow." She turned and hurried away.

Yusuke just stared at the house blankly for a minute. "That doesn't make any sense!" He yelled at the house.

Remember condescending talk of who I ought'a be...

Kurama closed his eyes, he was not sure how far into this forest he had managed to get, but now all he could feel was wilderness. He felt so free.

"So, Kurama." Oh no somehow an interrogation from Hiei was not the best thing he could have imagined.

"Yes, Hiei?" Kurama questioned.

"Tell me." Never mind interrogation he was going to be ordered, So Hiei, it almost made him smile.

"I just can't take it sometimes," He dove in. Why not? "My mom wants me to be perfect and I want to be that for her but sometimes..." He looked at Hiei a dark pain in his eyes. "I know I'll fall short because of my nature. I'll fail because of who I am. I know it's not my fault, even though I really don't know who else to blame."

"You can't be blamed." Hiei stated without turning to look at him. "For being human."

"I did choose to be human, Hiei." Kurama almost sighed.

"Only when backed into a corner and only in form." Hiei almost whispered.

"What do you mean, only in form?"

Hiei shrugged "You choose a form and your mind reacted."

"I remember my mother telling what I could be when I grew up. She said I could be anything and I believed her. Then I went out in the world and you find out he truth. They want you to be 'normal' and that you would always be working just to get anywhere. Let alone where you want to go. Growing up seems to crush the dreams out of people, and the only people who seem to remember that you need dreams are parents, who keep telling their children 'you can be anything.'" He felt overwhelmed just thinking about it and let himself lie back on the grass.

Hiei looked over at Kurama's relaxed form and sighed. "You sound like a ningin."

"I am a ningin, Hiei." Kurama said as he closed his eyes.

Wind blew through the clearing. "No your not." Kurama could feel Hiei's breath as he said that. He opened his eyes to a very serious looking Hiei.

"You win." Kurama said softly and a little ruefully.

"I did didn't I" Said Hiei as he pulled back and relaxed. "Let's go Kitsune."

"Where?" Kurama questioned curiously.

"Your house...it's almost dark."

Remember listening to all of that and this again...

Keiko stood by the door for awhile. The house was in darkness but she could faitly make out the sounds of the T.V. upstairs. She slowly began the ascension up the stairs. Slowly, an eternity was passing with each and every step. When she reached the top of the stairs she could see the light from the T.V. seeping under the door like blue flames. They licked and danced at the floor and her feet. She opened the door, her mother looked up. Disgust raptured her features.

"Keiko." she dead panned.

"Yes, mom?" Keiko's voice cracked nervously.

"I really couldn't care less if you throw your life away but leave me out of it."

"What life?" Keiko retorted angrily.

"Don't talk to me that way. You're so ungrateful." Her words cracked like a whip.

"I made my life the way it is. You can't make me feel bad for deciding to continue breathing after breaking it, when you've never been a part of it. You had nothing to do with how my life is now." She felt liberated as long as she continued to yell it would be okay. "NOTHING!" Her real feelings fell to the floor around her. For the second time that day she felt wrong and right and for the second time that day she lost her temper.

"Oh, nothing? huh? Why you ungrateful little brat! I tried my hardest all these years to raise you right and give you all you need, and then you come back here with all of your shit dreams of your's. You think your so much better than the rest of us. You'll be shit just like me. Can't you see that. There is no light at the end of the tunnel unless it's a train. We're fucked and this whole city is fucked. Learn where you belong as a fucking peice of shit like your father, like me. Quit acting like your shit don't stink, miss perfect."

Keiko ran from the room images of her mother's anger face fighting with her tears to be the only things she could see. She fell to the ground as broken as her dreams, fumbling until she reached the bottom of the stairs. She hugged the stairwell sobbing into the oak wood. The light of a night light banishing the cold blue fingers of that blue T.V. light that threatened to consume her.

So I pretended up a person who was fitting in...

Kurama reached out a hand to the doorknob and waited. Hiei stood near him in the tiny hutch. Hiei twisted his body to get a view of Kurama's face. Kurama looked like he was calculating.

"Kurama?"

"Huh?" Hiei looked at Kurama. "I'm deciding if this is okay."

"What?"

"If you come in." Kurama said helpfully.

"I wont if you have to think about it." He turned to leave.

"No wait, Hiei..."

"It's fine Kitsune."

"No it's not that's not what I meant." Kurama's eyes pleaded with Hiei to stay, his pride kept him from speaking another word however. Hiei understood.

"Hn" He mumbled as way of consent. Not willing to pause again, Kurama opened the door.

And now you think this person really is me...

Keiko woke to the smell of morning and carpet. Slightly confused she looked down to see she had slept on the stairs. She must have made noise when she stirred because her mother was kneeling next to her almost immediately.

"Keiko, Look I don't know what has gotten into you, but I want it to stop. Promise not to do this again and we'll forget about the whole thing, I wont even tell your father okay?"

"I'm sorry" Keiko muttered. Her mother smiled. Long after her mom had left she was still standing there staring at the front door.

And I'm trying to bend the truth...

Kurama stepped into his house and paused to look around. He began to breathe easier and no signs of life were discovered. The rooms were still dark. Kurama began his ascent up the stairs. Hiei felt the house for a moment and literally heard the quite descend and decided there and then that he never wanted to live in such an empty hallow home.

Kurama made an effort to push Hiei into his room hurriedly and quickly turned, shut the door and locked it all in one easy movement. Hiei had a moment of distrust and turned around to find all exits where he remembered them to be.

Kurama saw this and tried to explain "My mother will be home soon" He said delicately.

"Hn." was Hiei's response. He seemed to relax after that.

To bend the truth...

Keiko walked out the front door. She heard the whispers of her classmates but she continued to walk with her head held high. Yusuke gave her a pleading look upon sight.

She saw it everywhere, all around, she was drenched in it. Their pity. Everyone thought they knew, thought they could understand and they may even really feel bad, but behind all of their pitying eyes was the truth. They were all glad that it was her and not them.

But the more I push...

At break Yusuke sat next to Keiko on the rooftop. He wanted to ask her. She ignored his hints the best she could. Yusuke reached out his arm to put around her.

The more I'm pulling away...

Keiko struggled to escape his grasp. "Stop." She chided him. He looked at her begging her to speak to him to tell him what was wrong.

"There is nothing to say." She repeated to him again. He tried to return his arm. She pulled away.

"GO pity someone else!" She nearly shouted.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to pity you, You wont tell ,e what's wrong remember?" Yusuke stopped and lowered his voice. "Besides I..." He trailed off. Keiko's eyes widened.

Cause I'm lying my way from you...

Kurama heard the door open up downstairs. He turned to Hiei, panicked. Hiei looked back at him, placidly confused.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"My mom."

Understanding what Kurama meant he asked "You have friends right? Yusuke's come over before."

"Yes, but your different."

"Well, yes, but..." Kurama cut him off with a 'shh...' Putting his finger to his lips. "Don't shh me, Kitsune." He stated as he walked to the door.

"Hiei!" Kurama said alarmed flinging himself between the door and Hiei.

"Kurama." Hiei growled warning him. Hiei attempted to push him aside.

"Shuichi?" Came the confused voice of Shiori.

Muffled laughter filled the room, suddenly as Botan settled in the window of Kurama's room. She surveyed the scene. Kurama braced against the door, with Hiei pushing vainly at him. Beyond all that the people involved seemed capable of was saying each other's names with reproach. Kurama began to blush. Hiei looked slightly confused at how the fox reacted.

"Botan!" Kurama said shakily trying to push Hiei's hands away. They didn't move however Hiei's determination and Botan's laughter intensified. "How am I going to deal with..." Kurama began but was interrupted by the door opening. He fell backwards into the hallway with Hiei tumbling ungracefully on top of him.

Shiori looked down at her stunned son and Botan continued her laughing.

"I thought I locked that." Kurama groaned.

This isn't what I wanted to be...

"Stop" Keiko said To fill the silence that descended.

"What are you complaining about! You go on and on about how sad you are but you wont tell me what's wrong!" Yusuke yelled.

"I don't want to talk about it." Keiko retorted.

"Why?"

"It hurts." Her voice just above a whisper.

"Is this making it better? Does this make you feel good?"

I never thought what I said would have you running from me...

"How can you be so heartless, Yusuke?" She sobbed. "Your right though Yusuke."

"Shut up. Don't say that it makes me sound smart."

"Huh?"

"You're strong Keiko."

"Crying is not a weakness." She practically shouted.

"Not telling me might be a weakness though? Huh?" Yusuke ventured.

"I don't know." She stated truthfully.

"That's Okay. I can...wait..you know...forever...If you ask."

"Thanks." Her voice a hoarse whisper.

Like this...

Kurama sat alone in his room besides Botan. Hiei had left moments ago and his mother was happy her little Shuichi had friends. He turned to Botan.

"Kurama, I have something to tell you. You should look into anything 'strange' happening lately. There may be something that we're missing."

"Okay are there any specifics?" Kurama's tone suggested worry and confusion.

"I can't tell you and also...don't tell anyone else yet. We can't worry them yet."

"How solemn"

"Only to punctuate the importance." She said vacuously.

"Goodnight." Kurama said trying to sound cheerful. She smiled and flew out his window.

The very worst part of you...

When Keiko returned home she apologized for being late and ate dinner in silence. She stood when she was done and went up the stairs. She sat on her bed and stared at the ceiling.

After a moment of doing nothing she pulled a shoe-box from under her bed. This simple box had some of her favorite things in it. There was a pile of pictures, some postcards and a mirror. She decided to start her scrapbook and pulled out the stuff she would need. She needed something in this empty room to be hers. She looked at her favorite picture, everyone standing together.

The very worst part of me...

Kurama stood in the bathroom trying to avoid the mirror, but he couldn't escape his reflection. He left the room dejected. He needed to be himself to himself but the mirror had a point too. He also was that reflection.

He sat down on his bed. Hiei had showed up so that must mean Yukina was worried. He sat in the silence, then his mother's padding could be heard in front of his door. She pushed an envelope under the door. He lifted it. It was from Keiko. Pictures fell out.

Is me...

She didn't know why...He couldn't explain it...Her hand grasped the scissors...His hands caressed the blade...Swisch swisch...Slice slice slice...The crescendo began...Keiko smiled...Kurama stared...Slice Swisch slice.

Pictures lay scattered over the floor. Memories were kept. In every group shot there was an empty space. To both of them this was a perfect world. Keiko saw a world without her. Kurama saw a world without him.


	4. Reaching

Author's note: well I finally uploaded this I've been working on this for a long time and you could say that this is my baby. I truly love the story. I hope others can learn to like it to go takes a while for the story to get going. To answer my only reviewer's question: yes I plan on showing absolutely everybody's pain. This is why decided on the title pain: defined.

On a side note I have recently begun using a program called Dragon NaturallySpeaking. This is the first chapter that I've ever used this program. It allows me to dictate through microphone into my computer. So so if you see mistakes it may be because of the program. Also if you're curious I do write these chapters down dictate. So I'm only partially lazy. It just help with a lot of spelling problems. However some words may be the wrong word. Because of this and looking for a beta reader. If you're interested please PM me. Thank you for reading.

Disclaimer: I still do not own the show.

Warning: masochism and mentions of self-mutilation in this chapter. Besides that if you don't want to read Hiei X. kurama you shouldn't be here it will eventually develop that way. Also it deserves its rating.

Reaching

Song Title: Faint

I am...

Emerald eyes slowly and reluctantly opened to the colors of dawn.

...Little bit of loneliness...

The room was cast in the shadows that come whenever you have light. Kurama felt the pressure of his room as though the air choked him and the walls closed in. He found himself so tired that he couldn't stand up he felt as though he couldn't breathe. He tried to sit up then looked down at himself and stared at his torn and bloody sheets.

...A little bit of disregard...

He stood up and walked into the bathroom. He washed off his arms and chest. The crusted and brown blood fell into the sink. He lifted all of his sheets and pulled them off and stuffed them into the closet. He did all of this in a daze got about simply going through motions he had memorized long ago.

...A handful of complaints...

Dressed in a school uniform he left the house. You that no one was home and didn't bother to say goodbye and began to walk to the subway. You carefully and when he got to the subway he entered and waited for time to pass. He looked at the crowded streets with disdain as he left to stop. Life wasn't likely to be easy. He began the necessary calculations to make up a good excuse.

...But I can't help the fact that everyone can see these stars...

Kurama entered the classroom and took his seat. His mind was racing what he could he knew. Most people have no idea but he couldn't hide without a good believable excuse. So far nothing had been like this, they would accept pass excuses he couldn't hide he kept his outside appearance collected, relaxed. He stared as the teacher attempted to prove how he knew what he had stated a few moments before. Science is always a fun. Suddenly he felt the gentle tug on his hair. Ground as mine couldn't grasp from where but that tug alerted him to a memory. He turned to see a boy who he knew he knew somehow. He racked his brain. Outwardly he smiled," yes?"

"Did I say something to you?" He smirked.

"I think you for being so ironic please understand that I don't wish you to repeat this" he turned back to the front he was aware of the way he acted he had lost control. You would pay for his loss in control now and also for his earlier lapse.

He walked into the locker room and nervously began to change. He removed his shirt. He heard them gasp and felt their breath.

"So how did that happen?"

...I am what I want you want...

Hiei sat in a tree. He enjoyed the shade and the warmth of today, he felt that feeling again boredom. Keep your ad industry to the car world around him and felt an odd desire to ruin the calm. He could predict the way they would react. In the pebble falling into their calm pond of and fitness and ripping their lives into ripples and waves that shot panic and adrenaline into their bloodstream.

... what I want you to feel...

Yukina sat outside in relaxed in the warm air. She let go of her thoughts. She closed her eyes to the sun and breathed in. She thought I can feel life.

... but it's like no matter what I do I can't convince you to just believe this is real...

flashback: silence filled the room the clock ticked slowly. Shori stared looking at her son,

"I don't want to just keep pretending I'll tell you by change my mind." Shori looked at him.

"I believe you I'm just in shock." She shook her head. "I don't think you're ready to decide something so important."

Kurama looked at her in shock. "Too young. I know mom. You can't pretend this is it me."

"I just don't think he should write off your options."

... so I let go, watching you...

Shori looked at him, "just be who you are." Kurama looked up. "I love you if you're yourself."

'How do you take that' Kurama thought, "this is who I am!"

... turn your back what you always do...

Shori watched as Kurama left the room, upset. He went to his bedroom. "You'll be OK, my darling." She said to herself.

... face away and pretend that I'm not...

Kurama sat in his room. ' she won't accept it.' He sat down to think 'what can I do... what can I do... there has to be an answer.'

The looked out his window to see eyes, they closed and he heard the rustle of the eye's escape. Kurama felt calmer. 'Hiei checking in?' He thought. End flashback

... but I'll be here conjure all that I got...

Hiei stood and began to move out. He flitted to go see yukina. Seeing her calm relaxed him. He stayed as long as it was safe.

... I am...

yukina felt safe and she was unsure why 'I wonder.' She thought 'the demons have a guardian angels?'

... a little bit insecure...

Crown is back was covered with deep stars... some old... some new. He turned and faced his cheering classmates.

"Who does that to you? Come on, you got a sadistic girlfriend or what?" This was met with laughter. They moved closer.

"Or is it someone here? You picked on pretty boy?"

"Maybe he has a sadistic boyfriend."

"I bet he did it himself."

"All of the above" they laughed. "Nothing to say... suichi?"

"You have yet to say anything that concerns me." He said as he tried to calm his thoughts. They were too close. He had to divert them.

... a little incompetent...

They stepped forward again. "You need to learn a lesson in respect. You're so cool, so confident, so full yourself." He pushed kurama and yet the locker behind him. Kurama gave him an even stare.

... because you don't understand...

kurama felt their fists in his flesh. They weren't strong but they have resources. He fell 1 and steel hit him. He stared at the boy in front of him. He wouldn't hurt them. He couldn't hurt them. They were misguided.

... I do what I can't...

to lower the damage crime attempted to shield himself a little. They noticed, with sounds of triumph. They seeked to keep them open any and they tied them up. His arms to shower head at his feet to two benches. This left him spread eagle and horizontal. One of boys suggested a gag. Suri, the boy who kurama had been watching from the beginning, the 'leader' began to speak.

"Don't worry about a cat boys he won't make a sound. Please do proud and afraid. Aren't you?" You left that section of the locker room. The other boys followed. Crown found himself thinking 'it could get worse.'

It got worse. Suri, 'leader', returned. "Hey... Minemino. I told them how sick you are. I going to take you to the nurse for them." He posit that look to kurama. "I bet you'd love that. The nurse would have a field day with those guards. Don't worry. I'll just leave you here. You're comfortable, right?" He looked at kurama's narrowed eyes. "I should be even for your 'pride'... you faggot.' Kurama barely reacted, but the boy saw. "Oh yes beautiful, I know. Don't worry I won't tell." This is going badly. He couldn't guess what he wanted but he was remembering violet eyes.

The boy begged his kurama. Kurama's mind flooded with karasu his hands, his breath, his hips . Kurama wanted to scream. The boy moved away. Kurama felt very uncomfortable. Suri glanced at kurama's pants. "Just checking. Now I know you're gay. I won't tell, don't worry Woody. It will be our secret, won't it?"

Suri left the echo of his footsteps filling the locker room. Promise stayed there until next hour when one nice soul decided to let them down(the teacher.) Before anyone was in there to. Crown all went through the day in a daze. Waiting for freedom. The moment the last bell rang, kurama ran from the places if it was on fire.

... but sometimes I don't make sense...

Kurama couldn't go home. He just had to collect himself first. He stopped worrying about it and just made a beeline to genkai. He could trade until he felt OK to go and face his mom. He entered genkai the temple and say it was empty found a perfect spot in the courtyard. He took out his rows and swiftly changed into his whip. He arched his hand. He stared down at the woodblock. It became Suri. He brought down the whip and shredded it. He did it again and again, the cracker sound into the afternoon. We ignore the gentle padding that was behind him. He fell to the ground amid the tiny falling shards of wood. He panted. The details back on fire, he had felt the whip's bite, he'd been careless again. He continued to catch its breath as he stood. He was calm by the time he was up. He stared at the sky, a perfect blood red... sunset. Yet that you're too long. He turned to hurry home and found its way back blocked. A blue-haired girl with very familiar crimson eyes stood in his way.

He heard her say "I called your mom, I told her you are you're researching something. I told her you're wrapped up in your work."

He felt himself nod. "Thank you." He heard itself say. He felt himself try to smile. The she was worried.

"Kurama... please tell me what's wrong."

He heard the words and felt his insides crumble into memories. "I am..."

She smiled, "it never be alone. Don't worry you can be who you are. At least when you're around me or loan. Don't guard yourself." Kurama cried one to your that he began to speak...

... I am what you never want to say...

he felt the words spill out. Breaking like waves on sand. A bloody river spilled out of his heart. He saw her understand them and nod. He felt the freedom. Then it struck him, she wasn't a log he could tell her everything.

"I want to be accepted. Mostly by... someone I love."

"You're in love," she cooed, "have you told him, are you mates?" This all came out as one sentence. She realize she slipped by kurama's look. "I've got used to talking to girls and..."

Kurama smiled. "I could ever tell 'him'."

Yukina looked confused. 'If he teasing or honest?' She thought.

... but I've never had a doubt...

"Hiei," Kurama said suddenly. Yukina looked up, Hiei stepped out of the shadows.

"Hello, Fox." Kurama stared.

"Is there something you need? I would have to reach quite far to say you didn't mean to be sensed."

"I'm not used to worrying about stray foxes, what the hell do you think you're doing here?" He said with that end.

Kurama looked confused on the surface, "talking to yukina." Yukina flushed. Hiei became enraged.

"Kurama. Step over here with me."

"Hiei?" Kurama saw Hiei look directly at him and made an effort to keep his gaze.

Kurama looked at him and said "you hate me Hiei." Kurama kept his head up and face forward and even look on his face. Hiei stopped walking.

... so I let go, watching you...

yukina stared at them she wanted to grasp Hiei and shake him. Kurama was his friend he needed to be supportive no matter what. At the same time she is no matter what she did, nothing would change and also even if it did how much more wooded needy TA said "I can hate you" or even turned around...

... turn your back with you always do...

Hiei stayed that way. 'Damn Fox." He was blackmailing him. He was saying about. He was... Hiei knew he wasn't being fair. It was after all his fault the fox pelt him. He had power spiked... it voluntarily. Hiei knew he could expect to be understood. He wanted to be... no, he wanted to run.

... base away a pretend I'm not that I'll be here because you're all that I got...

Kurama watches yukina made herself scarce. He drinking what Hiei was doing. He remained tightlipped and turned away. There was nothing he could do. Kurama fell he is a decision he needed to be freed. Hiei turned and looked at kurama. 'What do I have to lose?'

... I can't feel... the way I did before...

Hiei. Kurama. the time they stood still must have felt like hours. Kurama watching and Hiei pretending everything hadn't been ruined.

"I'm truly sorry, Hiei."

"Shut up."

... don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored...

"shut up?" Kurama asked.

"Yes... now "he began to leave again.

"Stop that Hiei. Don't just pretend it didn't happen."

... time will heal this damage anymore...

"I've let it all go. Don't pretend there's more in my life. Nothing is worth all this..."

... don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored...

Hiei kept walking. "Is there nothing left inside you?!" kurama yelled. Hiei continued.

... no...

"you bastard... Rose whip."

... hear me out now...

Hiei turned to see Kurama steering them down. Hiei sauerkraut wasn't full of rage. He was calm, ready for a fight.

... you're to listen to me like it or not...

Hiei turned and smiled. "No need to go easy on you than." He said as he drew his katana.

"Do you ever?", replied.

"Once the only time I ever have."

"I feel honored." His whip arced and Hiei disappeared. The battle ensued and was so fast of their movements can be seen.

... right now!...

the night headlong slay the day and now the Suns blood was washed away by the spirit of night. Clouds began to gather above the temple flights. Deep breathing issue from kurama and Hiei. They stood across the courtyard much worse for wear. Krone stood up and fell. He spit. The rain began to fall. Blood mixing with mud in front of kurama. He is dismayed state where he was in a small bit of steam issuing from his head. Kurama crawled toward his adversary. Hiei did the same.

'This is it over.' They thought. They collapsed about a foot apart, reaching toward their goal.

The rain had lasted all night long and Yusuke and Botan's plan had been postponed by the unexpected showers.

"Old lady!! Where are you?" yusuke called. He entered the courtyard. He began to laugh. He ain't kurama were covered in mud reaching out to each other in the center of a ruined courtyard. Yusuke fell to the ground almost in tears because of how much he was laughing.

Note: next chapter the 'evil' people show up to cause even more heartache to our heroes...hints: they are not demons or human or a half-breed but they are close to all three. Chapter title: flee the will o' wisp.

note may update chapter again just to get it right if something is messed up. Please tell me if you see a sentance that makes no sense but don't tell me in a review PM me with it.

Thank you once again.


	5. Flee the will'o wisp

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu hakusho

warning: this chapter is pretty depressing. Major Agnst warning. Character death. Light Shonen-ai.

The authors note at end of Chapter.

Song title: hounds of love

Artist: Kate Bush

Now without further ado...

page break

... it's in the trees! it's coming!...

Genkai looked at the boys with disdain. "So, I guess we can have our meeting now that everyone is here." Kurama smiled sheepishly. Hiei looked to the side. Yusuke began laughing again.

Botan coughed. "This is serious, yusuke," she began "there are demons on the loose."

"... again" yukina sighed.

"You mean other than them?" Genkai laughed, Kurama blushed and Hiei ignored them.

"Cough. There are 'things' running around killing people." Botan continued.

"Are they demons?" Kurama queried.

"Not sure. They act like them but we can't detect them. They seem to be after a specific kind of target. A... picky eater if you will." Botan began.

"How many are there?" Yusuke asked.

"Three... that we know of, all female. I'm very sorry, Yusuke that's all we know." She said to his upset face. "Just keep an eye out."

... when I was a child...

Keiko opened the door, silently cursing herself. She had forgotten milk. She turned down the sidewalk and continued to walk. She was staying at a neighbor's house. They had needed someone to house-sit. She always was a little creeped out by the house, but it wasn't as bad as she thought. She couldn't complain,she was getting paid well.

She stopped. Where was she? when she had left the sun had barely begun to set, but now it was so dark... and where did the fog come from? She stood surrounded by trees and completely lost. Suddenly, she was helpless.

... running in the night...

Dark shadows appeared. They were running fast. He couldn't wait. Hiei took off. They were fast, but not so fast as they should be ahead of him. They eluded him. They were nothing more than shadows. Could these be the demons? They felt so... harmless like leaves tumbling from the sky. He just couldn't catch them or see them right.

... afraid of what might be...

Keiko looked about. Something was coming. She turned. Terror entered her deep doe eyes. Her scream tore into the night like lightning and split the air in half.

... hiding in the dark, hiding in the street...

Hiei tried to keep up with the shadow. It flitted and flirted along and Hiei had become equally curious and interested in the shadow. The shadow stopped without warning. Not sure why it did so, Hiei stopped as well, was this fear? Excitement? The shadow began running again. He had missed his chance. He cursed.

... and of what was following me...

Kurama continued to run. He felt so calm running. He decided to go on patrol early on. Being that none of them were supposed to be alone, they decided to stay with genkai. Patrol was his escape from everyone fighting and besides that he felt Hiei. Where had he gone and why was he running so fast? Why was his energy so inconsistent? It seemed to be coming from all directions. Was he truly moving that rapidly?

... now hounds of love are hunting...

Deep breaths. Panting more like. Shadows flirting with the darkness. Shining perversely in the night, something otherworldly and strange.

... I've always been a coward...

The leaves by Keiko's feet shook again. Keiko stared, terror and curiosity flooded her face. Yukina stepped out.

"Oh my God, yukina you scared me." Keiko breathed.

"I noticed." Said yukina smiling. Her smile seemed kind of familiar, a touch twisted. The look faded. "I'm sorry I didn't intend to." Her face innocent now, Keiko relaxed.

"Wait... what are you doing here?"

"I am... not sure, I was looking for... someone." She looked to the side.

"Do you remember how you got here?" Keiko said with apprehension.

"I'm sorry Keiko... I don't." She lowered her eyes.

"Well..." Keiko started after a moment. "Let's find a way out of here."

... and I don't know what's good for me...

"Yukina? Why did you leave?"

"I thought that... Hiei might have been mad at me. I asked him something and..."

"He is always mad, yukina"

"I don't think so." Yukina whispered. Keiko looked back at her with slight surprise.

... here I go!...

Hiei took a breath. First he would catch it then decide what to do with it. He felt elation as he launched.

... it's coming for me through the trees...

Kurama felt an unfamiliar presence near him. Then it was gone as if it had never been. Then he felt Hiei. He followed him. He seemed to be chasing something. Now he was lunging at it.

'The same feeling from before.' Kurama cursed himself. 'I'm surrounded.'

... help me, someone! help me please!...

"do you like him?" Keiko said surprised, she couldn't! They are siblings!

"I care about him... I love him." Yukina whispered. "But I don't know why."

Keiko breathed out. "You mean like... say brother and sister?"

Yukina smiled with her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off by scream.

"What was that?" Keiko said.

"We need to run now." Yukina said fear creeping into her whisper like voice.

... take my shoes off...

Fear filtered into Yukina and Keiko the moment they began to run. The dark night closing in around them. Running felt futile, there was nowhere to run. The night was small and everything to fear was behind them, around them. They were running toward their own fear.

Yukina slipped. Keiko turned and looked back at her. Yukina looked up blood red eyes full of fear. The wet grass staining her bare ankle, her shoe in the mud nearby. Keiko took every inch in, how she wanted to just look away.

... and throw them in the lake...

A man's corpse fell into the water unceremoniously, his lover falling afterward. A tall woman with fur covered limbs stood up. She laughed.

"I see Anuia and Basker have found some new prey. I'll have to go and see if I can beg off some scraps." She laughed nails glinting in the dark light.

... and I'll be... two steps on the water...

Keiko took a step back. Her foot splashed up water from a puddle. She hesitated.

"Go get help... I can't run. Go!" Yukina said in a normal sounding voice. "It's okay Keiko, hurry" she said reassuringly.

Keiko turned and ran. She was afraid enough so she could run forever, she had to find someone. 'Oh yusuke.' She thought despairingly.

... I found a fox...

Hiei had been missing them over and over again. Now he had them exactly how he wanted them. They jumped down, he would get them this time. He lunged at the shadow and... contacted. He felt something sticky under his hands and smelt iron and roses.

"Kurama?!" Hiei said uncertainly.

"Hiei?" Kurama whispered weakly.

Hiei stood up awkwardly. Kurama remained on the ground.

"You're bleeding." Hiei said without question.

"Only a bit."

... caught by dogs...

"What happened to you?" Hiei said "the demons?"

"More like Will'o wisps. I believed I was following you." Kurama evenly stated.

"Really? Why were you following me?"

"If I said I was worried..."

"I won't believe it."

"I was avoiding the others and felt like a good chase." Kurama said sheepishly.

"A practice fight? Now?" Hiei said genuinely confused.

"Just a run... that's all."

"With me." Hiei stated turning his back on Kurama.

"That wasn't planned or a necessity."

"So then..."

"it's just better that way."

... he let me take him in my hands...

Hiei reached out to kurama's wound. "Here I'll..." he pressed down on it to try to keep the blood in. The crimson liquid trailed gently out of Kurama's side and over Hiei's fingers. He lowered his head and pressed harder.

Kurama whined softly. Hiei's hand warmed up suddenly to searing heat and burnt shut the wound. Kurama's mouth opened in the silent scream, then relaxed.

"Why didn't you cry out?" He whispered. Kurama made no move to answer. The fire demon moved his hands over the wound. "You'll scar. If you had done this instead of me..." he trailed off. His tone remained matter-of-fact.

"I won't scar." Hiei looked surprised. "I never do." The fire demon gently stood up. "Hiei, don't go far, please. I will soon be asleep."

Hiei stopped. Will Kurama survive if he left? Did kurama want him here?

Kurama began breathing hard. Hiei returned to his side. Noticing Hiei, Kurama blushed. "I'll be fine."

Hiei leaned in in pressed his ear to his chest.

... his little heart, it beats so fast...

Kurama's blush darkened and his eyes widened. With a look of almost curiosity Hiei touched Kurama's chest with his hand. Like a rhythm all his own Kurama's heartbeat raced.

"Your heart seems fine." Hiei spoke in a tone of slight amusement as he drew his hand away.

Kurama leaned back toward Hiei's hand. This time Hiei tinted pink. They both took a breath when skin touched shirt.

"Your turn." Said Kurama breathlessly.

Hiei moved his hand across the fabric before really thinking about it. Kurama's blush changed slightly and he closed his eyes and turned away.

"Um" unsure what this meant Hiei stopped and pulled away his hand... mind racing.

Green eyes pulled red ones in and they stared. Both moved suddenly to each other, Kurama melded into him, his legs pulling Hiei closer. Their arms wrapped around each other. Lips touched ever so gently. Kurama's hair fell over Hiei's shoulder.

... and I'm ashamed of running away...

From nothing real...

A rustle of the leaves near Hiei prompted the fastest escape from each other possible including Hiei going so far to ascending a tree.

Into the clearing came a muddy and frightened Keiko.

"Kurama... help her...I... I... ran away... I left her... she'll die..." she fell to her knees sobbing. Hiei was immediately at her side.

"Who?... what are you running from?" Kurama asked.

"Yukina..." Keiko studdered. Hiei's eyes widened and he ran flitting most of the time in the direction that Keiko had ran from.

... I just can't deal with this...

Keiko sobbed on the moist leaves. "It'll be my fault."

Kurama looked after Hiei. He had to go after him. He looked to Keiko. "Could you show me the way?"

... but I'm still afraid to be there...

"... I can't... but... but..."

"Keiko if you want her to live and Hiei too..." Kurama trailed off speaking evenly but with a passion.

Keiko shook her head. "I... I... I'll try. OK."

... among your hounds of love...

Yukina couldn't see them but she could feel them. They felt an unquenchable thirst for something.

... and feel your arms surround me...

She felt them grabbing hold of her arms and her legs. She willed herself not to scream.

... I've always been a coward...

Keiko heard yukina scream split the night. She wanted to run. She looked to kurama hurrying behind her.

... and never know what's good for me...

'Hiei' Kurama thought 'oh yukina please be safe.' He looked to Keiko "Be strong."

... oh, here I go...

Yukina struggled to release herself from their nailed grip as Hiei burst out of the trees, his eyes wide.

"Hiei!" She screamed, pulling, always sobbing and screaming, eyes closed.

... hold me down...

Hiei reached out. Laughter filled the area. He couldn't move they'd kill her... right? She was a hostage they would let her go... right?

Yukina's body slacks, but she continued to sob. Her haggard breath making soft white clouds.

... it's coming for me through the trees...

Kurama sped up leaving Keiko behind.

... help me darling...

Slowly they let their nails drag along her arms, pearls bounced across the ground.

"Stop!" Hiei yelled "stop!"

Their cackle was like a popping fire as they both pulled harder on her arms.

"Stop!" Hiei screamed desperation laying like soft snow over the words.

... help me please...

Yukina looked up to Hiei. Her eyes soft, sad, empty. No matter how hard he had trained, how fast, nothing mattered here. He would get to watch for die. Without being able to do anything.

She opened her mouth and her soul floated out, the moment it was released they tugged, and her body gave way. Blood splattered the leaves, her captors ran using her limbs as paint brushes making the forest red.

... take my shoes off and throw them in the lake...

They ran out of the forest, Hiei mindlessly at their heels. They made their fire crackle cackle.

They disappeared as they ran over the water, their brushes abandoned in the lake.

... and I'll be two steps on the water ...

Hiei ran into the lake and swam to where they had been.

... I don't know what's good for me...

Kurama walked over to Yukina and closed her waxed eyes.

... I don't know what's good for me...

Keiko fell to her knees, tears rolling off her cheeks as she sobbed openly, the moonlight making her seem unreal.

... I need love X5, yeah!...

Kurama closed his eyes almost in silent prayer.

... your love...

"Where was Yusuke?" Keiko thought to herself out loud. "Why wasn't he here?" she said brokenly. "He's supposed to stop this... he... he..."

Kurama turned his green gold eyes on Keiko his eyes filling with tears "Would it have made any difference?! If Yusuke was here?"

... take your shoes off...

Hiei gulped water trying to swim and breathe all at once. He reached out and felt the cold something touching, it felt like skin... he pulled bits of yukina toward him.

... and throw them in the lake...

Hiei came out dripping lake water, he pulled his body from it with difficulty. He began to walk back to her.

... you know what I really need?...

"I failed." Hiei leaned over yukina's body breathing into her. His voice was monotone, without emotion.

"Hiei?" Kurama breathed, tears on his cheeks but his voice even. Hiei ran.

... do you know what I really need?...

Keiko screamed into the night with voice shrill and the moon shined brightly blissfully unaware.

... I need love X4 yeah!...

Author's note: we'll here is the next chapter. I'm actually really excited for this story. Even though I'm not sure anyone is even reading it. Please give me reviews although I'll continue this story either way. This story is my baby. And I think it includes just about everything... though I have to admit it's not really a mainstream fan fiction. Like I think I said before I have several more chapters of this written already. Not typed but written. So it should be pretty soon that I'm able to actually upload more. I hope someone will read this. I also hope no one hates me for killing off yukina. There are more character deaths to come.


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